Many years ago, we set out to write a book for parents about managing tech and social media. Parents were struggling to make sense of all the conflicting messages they were hearing. Tracts extolling the virtues of tech circulated alongside fear-filled articles and books about the dangers of gaming and social media. Most parents were alarmed and confused about what was “right.” We wanted to help parents manage their fears so that they could help their families thrive in the digital world.
As we talked to more and more parents, we noticed how significantly fear was shifting parent/child relationships. Fears were also shifting parental attention away from what most parents intuitively understood to be healthy and beneficial for kids. Whether the issue was smartphone use, friendship conflicts, the college process, or [you name it] … culturally sanctioned worrying was shifting how parents raised their children.
All that fear and worrying was not—and is still not—helping children. Rates of anxiety and other mental health disorders in children and teens continue to rise. Worrying is wreaking havoc with modern parents and children, not just in the digital world but across the board. Parents need to worry less and help their kids more. That’s why we wrote Base Camp Parenting.
Fear and worry block access to the health-promoting resources known to foster optimal development and resilience. The Base Camp Parenting approach helps parents shift away from worrying and focus more on providing these resources. That’s why worrying less helps kids more.
Below we offer a sneak peak at the resources that help kids thrive. The power of these resources to support and foster children's long-term health and well-being has been extensively studied and conclusively proven. Worry blocks access to the benefits provided by these resources. That's why worrying less helps kids more.
Connectedness is the felt sense that you—just as you are—matter to people who “have your back.” It is an invaluable resource that develops when you feel seen, understood, and valued by another person. Connectedness is a fundamental human need and is at the heart of Base Camp Parenting. A parent/child relationship rich in connectedness is a Base Camp Leader’s superpower.
Welcome and security are beneficial resources that go hand in hand with connectedness. Welcome conveys to a child that they belong and can count on being received in Base Camp (no matter their mood or their accomplishments). Security is the felt sense that Base Camp is a place where they can rest, recover, and be sheltered from harm (no matter what they do or don’t do).
Healthy, thriving children gradually move themselves toward milestones on the “mountains” they climb with supportive help from Base Camp. Helpful help is responsive and relevant to stuff that is happening now (i.e., it is provided in response to a current need or concern and effectively addresses that need or concern). It is also respectful (i.e., it does not shame, blame, criticize, or demean). When children receive helpful help from their Base Camp leaders, they have what they need for healthy growth and development.
C & P qualities are compassion, curiosity, calmness, connectedness, clarity, creativity, confidence, courage, presence, playfulness, persistence, perspective, and patience. IFS Founder, Richard Schwartz, PhD, posits that the presence of C & P qualities is essential for healthy functioning. We couldn’t agree more. When children absorb these qualities and integrate them with their sense of self, they are more likely to thrive.
